The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Randomize
