the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
