Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
