I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
