i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
id be glad to
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
