I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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