we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
