Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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