you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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