I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
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Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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