I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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