did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
