well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
