I just pynch a tree in the face
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
