so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Randomize
