dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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