u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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