No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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