Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
