He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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