you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
