I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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