Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
