i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
