Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
