Fuck appropriateness.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize