why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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