I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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