John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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