Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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