i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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