Will you blow on my dice?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
