Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize