nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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