Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
