No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
