my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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