My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
