you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He? As in you personified your dick?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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