You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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