This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
