Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
