So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
