he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
