So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
