i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
