He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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