just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
