i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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