Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
