It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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