My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i think i have two assholes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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