Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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