the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
