My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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