ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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