the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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