Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm experimenting with sincerity
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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