i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize