its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
