I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
