You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
