question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
