Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
