I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
as a side note pls kill me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
