I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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