So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
