i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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