i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
