Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I have already put on my inside pants.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
