So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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