His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
